This is a review of yesterday Saturday, 09-29-2007. Baby Sophia Delores Sepulveda as born at 3:15 in the afternoon. God blessed us with a safe and healthy childbirth. Christie was very afraid of being induced and the doctor encouraged her to go forward with a "managed" labor since the baby was potentially so big. Our prayers were answered when everything went smoothly and Christie didn't have to endure too much pain.

The night before last I had a sex dream and a using dream. In the using dream I just remember going through the planning stages. That is I made up my mind to party because Christie was going to be away on some trip and I was lying and making phone calls to line things up. As the time neared I woke up in my dream. I realized what was happening and didn't want to go through with it but it was too late. I was powerless. Then I woke up.

In looking at what is going on with me I thought of the fact that I haven't been able to go to meetings and that my praying, meditation, and review have been interrupted and inconsistent lately due to Christie's pregnancy. I accepted that this is something I just have to work through and turn to God for help in. I spoke to my sponsor yesterday and he reminded me that I have years of using around times when I had opportunities like when the wife is away. That all of this is stored in the unconscious and is a far larger volume of the mind than the conscious. I realized that in my subconscious I knew the birth was coming up and there must have been some lurking "notion" of the opportunity to party while Christie was away.

Anyway, last night I had to come straight home since my mom was here with the kids and I didn't get to go to the meeting. I feel a renewed enthusiasm for meetings and te spiritual life.