Last night as I drifted off to sleep I started to have a using dream. When I woke up this morning I was in a long drawn out dream that my life was a mess. I was apart from my family, I was disowned by my parents, I was living in a halfway house, I didn't have money to eat and I was not ver sober. I remembered walking out of a restaurant where my wife had met me but it felt terrible because we weren't together we were just tending to some business. As we were walking out some of my old friends were on a deck partying and they waived at me but I couldn't join them because my life was a sham. I felt ashamed, despondent, lonely and afraid.

I woke up and realized that it had just been a nightmare. I realized I was back to my real life and I was grateful. As I started my prayers I remembered 5 years ago when something similar happened. I woke up one morning and I had been dreaming about my life. I was going through a routine day. I played and cared for my son. I went to my job and was confident and productive. I was together with my wife at my home in my bed. Then I woke up.

I was in a hotel room and I suddenly felt horrible. I was coming off of a binge and I had used all the dope that I was supposed to sell. I was alone, hungry, sick exhausted, and despondent. I had lost my sobriety and everything good in my life. I couldn't believe this had happened again. I desperately wanted my wife and my son and my old good life.

That morning I woke up from a dream into a nightmare. Today I woke up from a nightmare into a dream.

Today was my 5 year sobriety birthday.

Today I woke up with my wife and my kids in my bed in my home.
Today I went to my job and was free from fear and I was productive.
Today I went to a meeting and read and shared about step 10.
Today I got to pitch in my son's baseball game.
Today I got to have dinner with my parents who gave me a card that said they were proud of me.

Today I love God with all my heart for giving me back my good life.

Thanks be to God for all his grace, love, and blessings.