This morning started rough for me when I woke up feeling emotionally and physically exhausted. I tried to put it aside and I asked God for help. By the time I finished my shower I felt energetic and ready to take on the day.

A few morning thoughts:

The Disease, threefold:
- Body: Physical Allergy, Phenomenon of Craving, Chronic, Progressive, & Fatal
- Mind: Mental Obsession, Mental Blank Spot, Denial, Delusion, No Power of Choice
- Spirit: Spiritual Malady, Dystonia, Dis-order (anxiety, stress, vacancy) & Disconnection

This morning an important person spoke enthusiastically of wishing to be able to rid the world of 5 unworthy persons. I was appalled but had to remind myself that that was me at one time.

By noon I was feeling like my thoughts and motives were in order again. I also felt physically energetic.

The words for the feeling that I was thinking of this weekend are aimlessness and vacancy .

I got to go to the noon meeting and had the following thoughts...
Delusion is the combination of denial and illusion. Denial comes when I look at things through the lens of my fears, desires, and judgement. My vision is limited and distorting.

We read the end of "Me an Alcoholic". I was inspired by two adjacent paragraphs where the writer spoke of his doctor's humble admission and this admission being key to power and courage. I had a sequence of thoughts about the process of admission. I guess the first part of the first step.

I realize that today I was moved by the spirit to think of step one for some reason.

I realized tonight that the vacancy I felt this weekend was from my expectation to always have my way. I am too dependent on my will at some level. I should remember that my primary duty right now is to attend to my kids. I should try and relentlessly cultivate the idea that having these children is a privelege ad that my service to them is a an opportunity.

Thanks be to God for the treasures of heaven.