Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Today I had a good day at work. I feel like my "brand" is steadily being repaired. I feel like I am finally making the skills advancement that I need to be able to focus on relationship building. It was the type of day where anything seems possible.

I got to go to the noon meeting. I felt like a vital part of a sober community. I thought today that the most important way that I can help cultivate the tradition of primary purpose is to stick to the primary purpose myself. There is a time for fraternal correction and it is rare but by sticking to stating it only about my own conduct then I can be most effective.

Today we read from the story "The Perpetual Quest". I noted how in the beginning the author cites several examples of people he knew that died from the disease that were intelligent, prosperous, talented, successful, respected, maybe even famous and lucky in love. Yet they still succumbed to alcoholism. I always believed that alcoholics were people that lacked intelligence, creativity, prosperity, and had to have been damaged.

When it came to sobriety I thought the answer was to become successful and I wouldn't have to drink. I also thought that my solution was to correct my external problems and I would be able to control my drinking.

When all my external efforts failed I accidentally ended up in AA and I learned that something different than my conventional thinking. I learned that AA affected people even when their lives were perfect on the outside. I realized that it was so for me also. I realized the true nature of my disease, that it was a mental disorder that required an internal solution.

This afternoon I addressed the disagreement with my wife. After talking about it and disagreeing we both conceded our contempt and took amends steps. By the evening we were talking about stuff we both care about and having a good time as a couple and a family.

Tonight I give over my fears and my pride and my judgment and I ask God to transfigure my will with His will. I ask God to re-cover me at the core, I ask him to be the point of my point of view.

Thanks be to God for Love and Life.

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