I was thinking about meditation this morning. I was asked what it means the other night and I responded that it means focused thinking and planning about spiritual matters as well as as a psychic fitness activity. I thought about how I often blog my thoughts about spiritual matters. I realized that I should do this a little more deliberately and teach it that way. It should be based on either a daily devotional and include a focus on corrective measures.

This morning the readings from the mass were about practicing forgiveness. The Gospel reading was the "turn the other cheek" account. This morning I remembered almost every time to resist griping at anyone and to simply stick to the disciplinary plan of cause and effect consequences.

I got to do step work again with someone today.
I got to spend lunch with my two middle children today at their lunch with dad event.


In the afternoon I forgot to pick up my daughter. I was deeply embarrassed when the program director called me and I was afraid they would think I was deeply irresponsible or negligent. When I got there they were very understanding and we had a good laugh and talked. But, there was this moment when I was standing in the office and I felt the old fear of whether they would smell pot, or alcohol, or otherwise sense that I was up to no good. I was grateful to have a clear conscience today and be able to look people in the eye.

Tonight I got to go to a meeting. The topic was how one addict working with another is the means by which one actualizes faith. I thought about how I became aware of the true nature of my addiction insanity when I first started going to twelve step meetings. I realized that I felt the effect of drugs more powerfully, that I obsessed over them to the extent that it affected my judgement gravely. So much so that I was living an astonishingly disordered life. Somehow these people had been able to get through to me where so many others had not been able to. I realized that many people had told me the same thing but I just never had been able to hear it from them. Even though I didn't forget or even consciously dismiss what they said, I just couldn't comprehend it effectively enough to seek recovery.

When I heard it from the people in meetings it occured to me that I had know what they were saying about the disease concept all along. But, while I KNEW it I couldn't GET it. Somehow these people had connected to something within me. They had touched that intuitive part of the consciousness within me that is the place where inspiration occurs, that sort of chakra or thought center that is the mind's eye. Thus I became willing to seek recovery with the necessary open mindedness.

I believe they had made a spiritual connection with me. That is why I need to continue to work with others because it is the means by which I get to tap in to and be a conduit for the spiritual power source.

We had a nice rainy cool day again.

Thanks be to God.