Monday evening my wife asked me to help her with her homework because it was critical for her to pass her test. She had asked me for this earlier in the day but it was impossible to get to between all of our child and home maintenance tasks. This was just as I was about to do my evening review.

As it was I didn't review the night before and I lacked focus in morning prayer because of being sick the past few days. But, I did do a catch up review Monday for Sunday and I thought about keeping the Ends (God) above the means (spiritual tasks) in perspective in my relationship with Him so I went ahead and helped her.

Looking back at this I believe I need to have a talk with her about the importance of these activities and keeping things in perspective. I need to make sure she is still convinced that I must pursue the course of action outlined in the 12 steps. I don't see her doing these activities herself so her actions seem to show that she doesn't hold these in priority for herself.

My wife called me this morning and said that she got a 102 on her test and she thanked me. This just verified what I thought. It wasn't a matter of what she needed (which is to pass) but rather what she wants (which is to score a 100+). So it is with me, I want to have job security, I want to have a degree so I can be authoritative at my job, I want to be the primary breadwinner so I can have a tidy life, I want to be able to give my children all the opportunities possible in all their endeavors. But, God has plans for me that require me to set aside what I think I need. God needs me to accept whatever place I am at in life and make the most of it. God needs me to stay connected to him and to help others do the same above all else. If I do this well then he provides the things that I need.

That being said it is an interesting coincidence that today is the date that she recognizes as her program start date and my sobriety date is later this week.

Yesterday I again felt the depression that comes with being sick. I got to talk to someone about it yesterday and this morning I spoke to a sponsee who had this problem himself yesterday. I explained how this is part of the rhythm of life that trials and low spots are going to come. It occurred to me that I have this idea that if I don't make any problems then I won't have any low spots. I see that this is not so. But, I see these as reasons to keep up my spiritual fitness activities and I see them as opportunities to put them into practice.

Yesterday I kept up the house and meals but I was sleeping much of the day. I did get to speak to 2 sponsees but I wasn't able to make a meeting.

I am grateful that I am in a position to be able to allow my body to recover and still do some spiritual work.

Thanks be to God.