Today I felt considerably better for the first half of the day. In the morning a friend called and we talked about our spiritual reflection for the day. In doing so I admitted more effectively that I had been resentful at the guys I talk to for keeping me too preoccupied with intensive work with others(the grunt work) and for my wife for interfering with my reflective spiritual work (the escapist type). I recalled the Gospel reading from this Sunday that stated that faith with without works was dead but paradoxically that works without faith would not lead to salvation.

I find it very synchronous that the Gospel would remind me that faith without works is dead in the week of my sobriety birthday. I suppose this is a reminder that the behind the scenes work with others is critical for my spiritual awakening to remain vital. I believe that the message about works without faith is that I should not place the spiritual work that pleases me ahead of my responsibilities to others. For me this means what Fr. Barry said 2 weeks ago that I must not confuse my worship with the means rather than the end. That I must not overvalue the work so much that I hold it in higher worth than the ends which is God's will.

Today I asserted my will over my wife to go to a meeting in the afternoon. I was strangely unable to focus my thoughts into a concise share on a familiar topic. Tonight I had to turn down a highly visible speaking engagement and was resentful to my wife for not supporting me in this. Now I realize that I have been able to make that fellowship connection and personal inventory through the time I spend talking to others. But, I like sharing at meetings, blogging my inventory, and speaking engagements because they feed my ego. God needs me to do the work He determines which is to work individually with addicts and to be a good father and husband.

I feel at peace now.

Thanks be to God.