This Sunday I woke up with a pretty serious case of rhino virus. I didn't make it to church and I was in bed most of the day. The predominant feeling I had all day was guilt. I recognized that once again that my mind associates down time with using.

I regretted that I didn't get to make a meeting and that my wife had to carry the load and that we didn't to get the kids out of the house. But I am grateful that I get to rest and get better and that my wife was supportive.

I remembered that I had a pretty serious using dream on Friday night.

I got to watch a program that was about Albert Einstein and his failure to complete a General Theory of Everything which would supersede the mutual exclusivity of General Relativity and Quantum Mechanics. The documentary posited the idea that Einstein was stuck in his ideas because he was stuck on looking into the mind of God.

Einstein did not like a theory that included the uncertainty principle and he wanted theory that made anything in the universe predictable by computation thus in his mind showing a design. It doesn't seem to me that this is a requirement for evidence of divine construction so I wondered how his religious views differed from mine.

I looked into his religious beliefs and found that he believed in a God that created everything but didn't concern Himself with the affairs of man. This idea is very familiar to me because it is the view that I held before I surrendered to a more humble and open minded approach. When I look back at this I see that this idea came out of my desire to do whatever I wanted. Here I thought I had a higher thinker's approach but really it was my basic instincts driving desires that were blinding me. Perhaps this is what blinded him.