I've been very ill for the last 4 days. I've gone through a lot of the feelings of fear and remorse that I usually go through when I get sick like this.
I was afraid of calling in sick to work.
I was afraid of losing my job.
I was afraid of sleeping too much and become an invalid.
I was afraid of being useless and slothful.
I was afraid of neglecting my appearance and hygiene.
I was afraid of neglecting my home.
I was afraid of neglecting my children.
I was afraid of telling the truth to my boss.
I was afraid that I was telling lies.
I was afraid that people would blame my sickness on my bad habits or my past.
I was afraid that I was going to be discovered as an addict due to being sick (this is not true of course).
The feelings in my body and in my sinuses felt like they did when I was hung over from using.
Once again I have to remember that I am no longer an addict living a lie and that it is ok to get sick. I must remember that it has nothing to do with using, that I still associate being sick with my old fears from back when it was.

Several other people were out sick which was good timing for me because it was apparent that something is going around. Thanks be to God.

Tonight I was watching a program about the body and how the mind can summon superhuman stength in dire, life threatening, circumstances. They also showed that athletes can train to summon these bursts for competition. This can also keep a person function through terrible pain and injury. I thought about how belief in a higher power (God) also works this way. Through spiritual conditioning, the power of God can overcome life threatening mental dysfunction, illness, and disorder.

Tonight I finaly feel 75% up to speed and confident I will make it to work tommorrow. I resolve now and with God's help to fear no more and to return confidently back to daily life.

Thanks be to God.