This morning the first thing I did when I woke up was to gripe at my wife because she woke me up and it was late. I was out of sorts and I didn't mean it.

Later in the morning I had the chance to go to a meeting for the first time in a week. I found myself debating going over other priorities but I went out of a sense of commitment. I was thinking of how my mind was trying to deceive me into not going. When I wondered why I thought it was because I am an alcoholic but then I thought not because I don't have the slightest desire to drink. I found myself trying to figure out what it was about myself that was the reason. The meeting topic was on self-will. Everything everyone shared built up to be exactly what I needed to know about myself. Selfishness self centeredness that is the root of my troubles. I did not want to go to the meeting because I am driven by a hundred forms of fear. I have been an extreme example of self-will run riot for the past 7 days. Even thought this hasn't been by choice I have been isolated for 7 days meaning I have been exposed to too much self.

I had a phone conversation with a guy trying to sort out the domain registration that was never taken care of for the 12 step web site that I used to administer that I was fired from. I had self righteous indignation that it is not being handled properly.

It was a long afternoon with kid pick ups and my wife working until 9:00. The kids constant barrage of demands got to me and I spoke to them too rudely most of the time. I need to work on this.

I did get to play with them and love them.

Thanks be to God.