Today was a wonderful day for which I am grateful.

My son and I got off to an early start for his last game of the fall season. It was a great time, he made some good plays, and I was proudest of his effort and focus. I was grateful for the efforts of his coaches and for getting to know a great group of boys and parents. But most of all I cherish the time I got to spend with my son before, and my dad after the game.

This morning I had to make a decision about my son's birthday party and be assertive about this with my wife. She did not like this and unloaded on me with some opinions about the inequity of the volume of responsibilities she must manage and the leisurely pace that I get to live by. I hard to forcefully resist the desire to retaliate. The thing that makes it especially difficult is that I have gotten a lot better about managing my feelings in disagreements and I am much more effective at arguing my case. And I feel that I have a strong case in this case. Namely that the volume she is managing is by the choices she has made which I disagreed with when she took them on. I knew the time would come when she would lose sight of this and she would lay this on me. But I had to stick to principle and resist fighting. I thought quickly about how the argument was not worth it. I thought about Christ on the cross and picking up my own cross. I had to try hard to be long tempered and now I must resist judging and forgive the real or perhaps perceived wrong.

Lately I have been thinking and experiencing the untenable volume of tasks that my wife is trying to manage in addition to the responsibilities that come to a mother of four small children. I predict her descending into too much stress and anxiety that could have unexpected consequences for her and for our family. I pray that this is just my mind exaggerating this based on my fears. I have been trying to resist making judgments about this situation because of the high likelihood that I cannot be objective. But now I am seeing warning signs in addition to an example of someone in a similar situation as her who has already descended into internal chaos. Tonight at a social event I saw her smoke a cigarette which took me completely by surprise. Not only did I realize that it is completely unacceptable for anyone in our family to smoke. But more importantly I worry that this is a sign of increasing neurosis.

There I've said it and I need to let it go.

Early in the afternoon my wife took the kids to do trick or treat with my nephew in his neighborhood. I thought about going but it just seemed too long to go from three in the afternoon to eight or so at night. But I sensed my wife's resentment and unwillingness to discuss it, so I took her presumption and accepted the option not to attend. I also knew this would afford me the opportunity to attend a meeting which these days is not a high priority for her and I felt it was the right thing to do despite her grumblings. This is another thing that I have noticed about her lately is her seeming acceptance to live with a good deal of resentment and just allow it to fade from active memory rather than truly process it or resist.
I was grateful that I got to go to a meeting tonight and I felt that the events, subject matter, low attendance, and the need for my contribution, all affirmed my decision.

I know that I am putting too much thought and energy into thinking about the thoughts and actions of my wife. I believe this is one of the hazards of intimate relationships that I fall into too much dependence upon expectations about her conduct. I pray for God to deliver me from any self-righteousness, or self-justification, or over-reaction. I thank God for giving me a model of marriage which does not depend on my expectations for the behaviors of my spouse but rather on God's plan and grace for us both.

Despite my concerns I got to see several things to be grateful for her today.

I was grateful that she is organizing a party for my son.
I was grateful that she handled the babysitting arrangements with my mom during the baseball game.
I was grateful that she has a relationship with my nephew and sister-in-law.
I was grateful that she brought all the kids to the party after my meeting tonight.
I was grateful that she was beautiful to me at the party.
I was grateful for her contribution to the family members seeking continued recovery.
I was grateful to see my children play and dance with the other kids at the party.
I was grateful that I got to dance and play games with my kids and friends.
I was grateful that my wife took my son to his buddy's party and talked to his mother tonight.

My kid's said this was the best Halloween ever.
I had really great prayer time with them tonight, we thanked God for the day and we talked about All Saint's Day tomorrow.

I am truly blessed.
Thanks be to you Lord Jesus Christ.