Several times today I felt great disturbances in my spiritual condition that led me to question what is happening, whether it is a lack of faith on my part.

I struggled and rushed through prayer this morning when i woke up.

I had to spend a lot of time cleaning in the morning and didn't get much school work done.  I felt resentful about this.

In the evening I got to go to a 12 step meeting.  It was one of those times that I easily identified what I needed to share about and was ready to go but everyone else had plenty to talk about and I was able to exercise some humility and just listen.

A friend talked to me after the meeting about the consistent practice of spiritual activities and spiritual disturbances when he is inconsistence.  I talked to him about how we encounter circumstances in our lives (like family, school, ministry, etc.) that are probably God ordained that can interfere with the consistent practice of spiritual activities and will result in disturbances.  Therein the message that I needed was revealed to me.

Afterward I had a series of long conversations with someone about our theological views which descended into a vast disagreement.  In each case I didn't intend to debate based on a desire to convince him of my views but rather was trying to demonstrate that it is important to apply critical thinking skills and to disagree reasonably.   I left the conversation feeling a bit disturbed.  I guess it was a God ordained mission which resulted in an inevitable vicissitude, but will have His intended result.

Thy will, not mine, be done.  Thanks be to God.