This Monday during meditation the subject of evening review and a recent discussion came up.  A friend asked me questions about the shortcomings that I find, how many and how often.  When I told him, he said that I was being too hard on myself.  I thought this over and reviewed the process, specifically the deliberate act of seeking out a certain amount of failings.  In the end I concluded that this is an important task to seek an objective and humble look because I am prone to inflate my good character and minimize the little things that add up to big problems.  I thought in depth and analogously about this but it is too lengthy to write right now.

I thought a lot today about a memory I had last night of my exit interview from my first treatment.  I recalled how the counselor observed that I did not seek to depend on a personal God and he told me that I would not stay sober despite my exemplary work.  I recalled that he told me that this program depended on a concept of God that could command the will and that an ambiguous spirituality could not.

I had to work on schoolwork all day to try and complete the assignments that were due yesterday.  Seeing the announcements off assignments for this week come into my inbox aroused anxiety within me. In the evening we had an event scheduled for a minor league pro baseball game.  It was autism awareness night and my sons were to got onto the field with a group.  I realized that one of my classes was tonight. I had to make a decision not to go to the game as it would be detrimental to miss the class at such a critical time.

When class time came it caught me by surprise and I realized that I hadn't done the reading.  I felt anxious about this but just assured myself that it would be ok with God's help. When I got there the class was cancelled.  I went home and did more work to catch up.

Thanks be to God.