This morning I felt a great deal of emotional confusion. I was able to attend to the routine tasks of waking, feeding, and getting the children started in their day, but I lost my sense of direction and initiative once they were underway. This was further exacerbated by the fact that they were preparing to leave for a long trip to the beach with my wife, their cousin, and his mother. My wife asked me if I was mad because of the look of discomfort that I must have projected. The chaos of this part of the morning sent me into a state of ineptitude that took some time to recover from after they left.
I never did really recover however as I had to do some intensive study and was incessantly distracted. I kept thinking about housecleaning and home improvement projects and would only read a paragraph or two at a time and not concentrate enough to retain anything. I found myself questioning whether I am capable of finishing college. At the end of the day I thought of using a desire for professionalism to motivate me. I need to work on building this concept.
I tried to call my sponsee today.
I called and had a long and fruitful talk with my sponsor.
I got to go to the home improvement store and think through and plan my major project. Hopefully now it will not be as much of a distraction.
I got to attend and chair the 12 step meeting.
Thanks be to God.
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