This morning we woke up late but made it to mass on time and in good spirits.  On the way I told my wife about a scene I witnessed on our block.  A for lease sign was set out in front of a house.  I passed by Saturday morning and a lady who appeared to be a landlord was standing with a couple who appeared to be there to look at the rental house and the current tenant was talking to them smoking a cigarette and crying.  I wasn't sure why I was telling my wife other then perhaps to gossip but I had a dissonant feeling as I spoke, it was the same feeling I had when I drove by.  As my wife gave her opinion, it occurred to me what I felt.  It was wrong for me to look upon the tenant and judge her disdainfully as irresponsible, especially in light of my own faults and God's forgiveness of me.

Our Gospel reading was about the pharisee who had Jesus for dinner and judged Him for socializing and forgiving the sinful woman who washed his feet.  He pointed out the pharisee's hypocrisy because he was unkind and intolerant and did not recognize his own sinfulness and God's grace to him.  The other readings also taught about how grace is given through faith, not just through obedience to the law (or good behavior).

I''ve been thinking in the past few days about the degree of morality that can only be achieved through the guidance of a personal God.  I can set a moral standard and struggle to live up to it superficially through my power of reason.  But, by subscribing to the will of a higher power I can be transformed to live up to a greater standard than is reasonable and can do it with ease.

     I got to go to a book study meeting tonight in which we read the last pages from "We Agnostics."  It was one of those times when everyone was sharing about matters that seemed far away from how to stay sober.  I had some good things to say but in my zeal for speaking about coming to believe I fell a little short on the connection to sobriety.

     I thought about how I had come to the admission that I was an addict long before taking step two.  I thought that I had been an implicit atheist, that I had only felt there was no proof but had not denied there was a personal God.  But when I actually took the step rather than assuming I already got it, I discovered that I had unrealized objections.

     As I looked at this I also thought I had been open minded and informed, but found that I had not.  I found that my objections were largely emotional and not rational at all.  When I made a rational investigation with a guide to help me stay objective, I found that my proofs against the benefits of belief were not sound.  Then I realized that I had not found proofs for God but just a place where God was possible.  There more I sought this reality the more He seemed possible.  That I wanted to believe and this seemed to be engendered within me.  Perhaps this was all the proof I needed, the revelation that God was a great reality within.

That's where I left off speaking about this.  Afterward however, I thought about how I did see one major proof and this is the one that endures, that belief has miraculously improved the lives of people throughout the ages.  I certainly saw it in the people in the rooms.   As my belief grew so my obsession left me.  As my belief progressed so did the quality of life.  There has been a profound correlation between the degree to which I have faith and the Grace that I receive.

Thanks be to God.