Today I thought about what a "lurking notion" is. Everytime I worked the steps I could answer the question of whether I had a lurking notion, NO. Yet sometimes I used again. If you asked me right before I used, I would have said there's no way that I am ever going to use again.

Perhaps the lurking notion can also be the thoughts that live below the surface of consciousness. Even though I might not consciously have a lurking notion, if it is powerful enough in the subconscious then it can rise up if I am blocked from my higher power.

This is the reason I have to do steps like the evening review every night even when things are good. Earlier this week I skipped a night and went to bed tired for good reasons. That night I had a long drawn out dream that I was doing crank.

Every time I relapsed I stopped doing the steps according to the specific instructions in the book. I felt comfortable in my sobriety and everything was better. I just quit being disciplined about the work.

Tonight I had no emotional disturbances or big deals to review. I could only write a few thoughts about recovery and I opened the doors to a meeting where only 2 guys showed up. This morning I found time to pray.

Having done steps 10, 11, and 12 today I can rest gratefully knowing I don't have to fear a lurking notion.

I heard something else new also that eludes me.

Tonight I went to open up the meeting and was the only one there. The back door was open and I got a creepy feeling that someone was around. I had too go outside and it was a long wait until someone finally showed up. I felt unusually frightened about being there alone.

Everyone that normally goes to that meeting went to the big speaker meeting. Only myself, my sponsor and a friend who is relatively new were there. We didn't have a meeting because we got to talking about our pasts. At some point we started talking about the similarity between addiction and demonic possession. We then talked about all the demonic episodes in our past. The new guy talked alot about his difficulties with his dark past. I got the feeling he needed that talk and that he needed some support in his reltionship with God.

I think maybe that the there was a dark presence before the meeting because of what we were about talk about.

I can't think of anything else to review.