This morning I got off to a good start by leaving the house early and beating an incoming storm to work. The rain started falling as I got to my block and the wind broke my umbrella but I made it in the building safe, dry and on time.

As the day went on the weather turned bitterly cold. I had a very busy morning and went to the noon meeting. We were in Bill's story again and we read about how Bill's alcoholism got progressively worse and he began various final attempts at sobriety until he hit rock bottom.

I shared my "beating on the bar asking how this happened" story and I wanted to tell about my experience at thinking that self knowledge was the key to staying sober. But ny share turned into me sharing my various bottoms and then find the willingness to put first things first. I left feeling like I was being repetetive and boorish. I did finish by talking about how the obsession was removed and my life is better.

In the afternoon all hell broke loose. I spoke to a customer who was upset with our system ad I didn't know enough to speak to the functionality that would have solved her problem. I was again very busy with a lengthy appointment and I got several voicemails from the employees of another dissatisfied customer. It was a trying afternoon.

When I came home my wife was frazzled and some things we talked about were cause for her to be critical of me. I had to keep quiet and find a solitary moment to get centered and connect with my Higher Power. In just a moment I was blessed with grace and realized what a great ay it had been.

I didn't have to work out in the cold.
The day was so busy that it flew by.
I got to work for a web development company supporting websites.
We received some financial assistance that is going to save us $3500.00 in medical bills.
I was one of two people share from the spiritual principles in the meeting.
I realized that it is ok if my sharing is not folksy and simplistic. That I was an overly self-involved, pseudo-intellectual, deluded, and fatally addicted alcoholic and that is my story.
When I got home I was swarmed by three beautiful children who all wanted to love me and share their day with me.
I got to see my oldest son ride his bike for the second day ever.
My wife made a wonderful dinner and shared a funny story from one of my best friends in recovery.

I thought about the reading from Bill's story today and I saw something that I wish to add to the story of my experience:

I met a kind doctor who explained that though certainly selfish and foolish, I had been seriously ill, bodily and mentally.

When I went to my first treatment I got the idea that I was "seriously" ill, but I refused to think of my condition as hopeless or futile. I didn't get the "grave" nature of my condition.

Surely this was the answer self- knowledge.

I thought that I understood what the program tried to accomplish and because of this I didn't actually need the steps, that this knowledge was enough. I didn't get that I suffered from a disease of the mind, body and spirit, that I needed something more that knowledge.

But it was not, for the frightful day came when I drank once more.

When I finally became fully willing I found something more than the intelectual understanding of the disease. I experienced a profound inner surrender based on the complete acceptance that for me to drink was to die. I realized that I could never drink safely again and that I would always get worse never better. I finally took to heart the understanding that I must fully give myself to this simple program. This was not head knowledge it was heart knowledge.