I was given a "Last Chance" interview at work today. It came out of nowhere, I couldn't believe it. I felt like I had been stabbed in the back of the neck. I knew I had gotten in trouble but I didn't expect to be told that "the wheels had fallen off of my bus" and that I had to recover my "brand" or lose my job.

I was afraid.
I was resentful.
I went through a series of emotional low spots and shut down a couple of times.
I was grateful to be spiritually awake to what was happening in me and to address these feelings objectively.
I had to face my instinctive drives that were being threatened.
I had to ask God for help, I had to ask Him to re-cover me at my core.
I had to face and resist a descent into self-pity.
I had to resist my instinct to fight, to dwell on it, and to hash out plans.
I had to consinder what God has done for me and his plans for me and how this fits into the scheme of things.
On the way home I found relief and freedom in adressing my fear and placing myself in God's hands.

I had to come home and attend to family responsibilities. I had to let it go and be there and not let it manifest into anger at my family.
Once I came home I wasn't able to process my feelings any further.
I kind of shut down again.
At one point I overreacted angrily at my son for something small but I caught it instantly and thought of my role in God's kingdom as a loving father and I resumed my confident spirit as my son's provider and mentor and I showed him love and joy.
My wife was very supportive.
My wife went to her meeting so I was alone with the kids.
I listened to Fr. Barron and found some perspective. He talked of the three temptations of sensual pleasure, glory, and power.
I realized that I have placed too much dependency on the glory of that job.
I have placed too much dependence on my sensual comfort.

I realized that I have to trust in God.

I got resentful that I didn't get a chance to write as it was very late and my kid was calling me to finish his bath. I jotted down what happened but I am writing this out at the end of the day on 7-9.

I see now that God gave me the support that I needed.