This morning I woke up early with my son and I was grateful that I didn't have to drink last night.

Today I read a Grapevine article and I realized that it is now step 1 month. I decided that I would do step 1. I thought about admitting and about being powerless and about having an unmanageable life. I thought I was ready and then I remembered that I was leaving out the most important part, WE.

I thought about how I could not really do step 1, WE have to do it. I thought about the CA meeting tomorrow night. Then I realized that I should go to an AA meeting because today it is about being grateful for not DRINKING.

I spent all day with the kids, I fed them, and prayed with them, and guided them, and loved them. I took my son to the store in the afternoon on an errand. The other son watched me fix my bikes so that we can ride. I washed both vehicles as the day ended.

I had made up my mind to go to the AA meeting but I got busy and it almost got too late. As I was backing out of my driveway my son was looking at me longingly. I almost didn't go out of remorse. Then I remembered that I needed to do step 1. I remembered that I was there for him all day today and if it were not for step 1 I would not have been there at all. My heart felt a little lighter as I drove away. I waved and smiled at him and he seemed to know that it was worth it to give up Daddy for just a little while.

The meeting was a really good meeting about "I AM A MIRACLE" and powerlessness. I saw several friends there and the things shared gave me a lot to think about. However, I left the meeting feeling disappointed because I did not share. After the meeting I found a newcomer and spoke to him. On the way home I called a friend and shared my gratitude. Before I did this review I transcribed my thoughts on Spiritus Contra Spiritum. I realize now that I was not meant to share tonight in the meeting. I was meant to be made aware, spiritually aware, of the truth about myself.

Today I had to resist some desire but I gave in some. Today I found my self taking glee in someone Else's loss out of envy for what they had that I didn't. Today I got angry at my wife briefly in my thoughts.

Dear God please forgive me for my sins and help to do better tomorrow.

Amen