This Saturday I got off to a good start waking up early with the kids and getting the dishes done and making a good breakfast for the kids. We watched several good religiouss programs together and we talked about the moral and spiritual lessons in each. The program about the Gospel today was about the mracles and healings of Jesus. I cried when the little boy who couldn't walk was healed and I was grateful that my children are of sound mind and body. I realized that this is a miracle in my life.

We had a baseball game at One o'clock. My son's team was beaten 15-0 and the game was called in the 3rd inning by the "mercy rule". I was very despondent over this. I struggled to process my feelings and to find words for the other parents and the coaches. I found myself telling the other
parents the same old story of how the kids on these teams come from the upscale neihgborhoods in the area of the league and how their kids have the best resources and train year 'round. I found myself wishing my son could be on one of those teams and have those resources. I felt resentful.

On the way home my son made the usual conversation that he does about the things that interest him like sports and bionicles but then he asked me an off the wall question. He asked me "Dad, what is envy?". I explained it to him but it didn't occur to me until later when we got home and I prayed about my resentment over the game that I needed to see that I was envious.

My wife went to work in the evening and I had to handle the evening routine with all the kids. We did have an interlude when we caught the end of the Astros game that they won and we all jumped around and did high fives. I love my kids but they wore me out and I went to bed exhausted without doing an evening review.

This morning I woke up more tired than usual. I thing I may have had an emotional hangover. We got to mass on time and all went well until just before communion when the two middle kids each had a melt down. My autistic son started spitting on another kid and then had a screaming fit when my wife moved him to me. I had to take him out and he fought me and screamed louder as we made our way out of the building. My wife said that people downstairs could hear him through the glass and were looking up. I was mortified and even worse I missed communion. I had to leave the building and wait outside.

When we got home I was a basket case. I withdrew into a quiet storm and all I could think was "don't think, don't think, silence...". I found my mind trying to blame my wife. I didn't want to go to the 12 step meeting at the rehab center but with my wife's encouragement I forced myself to go.

At the meeting I was the only guy there from outside presumably because it is Mother's Day. I was a little awkward but it was a good meeting and when I left my spirit's were lifted. I came home grateful for my family and proud of my kids.

We had a great afternoon and a Mother's Day dinner.

Thanks be to God and to his mother.