I wasn't going to write tonight but when I decided to do so my ears started ringing like a tuning fork.

This morning I was running late and feeling discontent because I was so hungry and I didn't have time to eat. My son was harassing me to feed him so I did. As I was packing my lunch and getting ready I could hear him feasting on the bowl of cereal. I could hear him chomping and slurping while I was starving. As I was rushing to get everything done and get on the road I felt sorry for myself. Then my son started harassing me for seconds. He acted like he was starving and I had already fed him.

I realized then that that is how I am. God provides me with such great abundance. I get to eat well every day. I get to eat at my job if I want to. I really don't have to wait very long anyway even if I miss breakfast. Yet I cry out like I've haven't been fed in ages. I stopped and gave my son his seconds and went on my way.

In the morning a friend stopped by like he always does. He talked about the things he always does. He talked about the wrongs of people, institutions and the world. He talked about how he hates this time of the year. That everyone's edgier and pushier and drives ruder. I thought about how grateful I was to not have to live in that state anymore.

I thought about how I have a process and a power to deal with the feelings that get me in that state of mind. I wondered if I should try to help him and tell him this. I stopped and asked for guidance. The thought came that I should back away from trying to give him advice. The thought came to thank him for making me aware that I should not get too caught up in the events and tasks that I will have to do this season. That I not become one of those pushy people that bother him.

I realized that by demonstrating the act of self-examination that I may have helped in the best way possible.

I got to go to a meeting at noon. It was step 4 out of the Twelve and Twelve again. I spoke about the discussion I had with my friend last night about how I can get in an ambiguous state of "practicing the principles" and forget about taking the actions. About how I can get in a mode of practicing virtues and AA cliches rather than than practicing the mechanics of the steps. That I cannot sustain virtuous living very long if I do not focus on self-examination and de-construction of my emotional disturbances.

I was grateful to once again focus on the process of step 4 and the salient point that I must seek power to resolve the disturbance within me not outside of me.

As I was walking out of the meeting, a guy offered me a ticket to the AA Anniversary celebration. I felt so bad because I turned it down and I whispered to him that I didn't a babysitter.

It was another perfectly busy day but not stressful.

A started a conversation at work about a news story that the new Cardinal from Texas was in town at a luncheon. My atheist co-worker started going on about not trusting men who are (or say) they are celibate. I took up the challenge and asked why. This led to a lively dialog where he seemed to throw out dogmatic statements that he thought were going to be the last word. He seemed to be confused by responses that were well thought out. At times he would rebut with unrelated statements and go off on tangents.

On the way home I got a call from a friend. He said he had weird dreams about doing depraved things but being a hero in doing them. I don't know where this came from but I spoke to him about the deceptive nature of the enemy. About how he may be seeing the true nature of a spiritual attack. In the past we would have been seduced by the idea that we were doing good while being depraved.

Tonight we lit Advent candles and said prayers together as a family.

Thank you Lord for another day of life and experience.