Yesterday at noon I got to a meeting. The reading was from the story "acceptance was his key to success". I read about how he blamed every thing else for his drinking except himself. About how he came to accept that he had a disease.

I thought about this alot all day and into today. About how important it is to "ADMIT" that we are powerless. About how it is more than a simple admission. That to "admit' is to let in the truth. About how this is a deep admission, a full concession in my innermost self. It occured to me that perhaps humility is the key to removing the obstacles to this acceptance. It also occured to me that pride and ego are my obstacles to this. I looke at this like a peice of inventory and identified the obtacles. Rather than just pray for willingness perhaps I can pray for the removal of pride and ego that block me from power.

Maybe this can be formulated into a prayer that I might share with newcomers seeking acceptance.

God,
Please remove the things that keep me from seeing the truth about myself.
Please remove the ego and pride that block me from your power.
Please remove my fears that are the root cause of my problem.
Please remove my self-reliance that I may come to rely on You.
Please God, grant me the willingness to be willing to be willing.
Amen

Today my wife had a dead battery and I had to come home from work. On the way home
I kept the radio off in the truck while I was thinking about this. I was moved suddenly to turn the radio on. Father Corapi was talking about humility. He said that humility is not something that he can produce. He said that he is incapable. He said that he has to pray for this and that the Holy spirit grants him that which he is not capable of.

Yesterday evening I found out that I had accidentally turned the emergency shutoff valve to my neighbor's house the night before. Her water was off all day and night and she had to call out a plumber. I had to go talk to her and pay her for the fee. I was remoreseful about the financial loss

The flip side of this was that she was very nice about it and expressed gratitude that it wasn't a busted pipe. We had a long talk about this and other things and she never mention the dead cat that we thought she was angry about.

Last night I had a dream that I was at rehab and had written pages about all of my problems and about a lot of recovery virtues like setting goals and relapse prevention. But when I read the paper on powerlessness I only had one line and it trailed off as I got distracted. This reiterated to me how I have to focus on what's really important and not on my circumstances.

I had persistent remorse about the financial loss but my wife helped me keep perspective on it. I prayed for God to remove my fear and I talked to someone about it.

I had a good day today despite some snafus and another day of cough and sneezing. I won at table tennis and work was productive.

This evening I wa so tired I had to crash at 7:30 but I woke up for a little while to do this review.