Today was the first day in a long time that I didn't feel sick, thank God.

I went to a meeting at noon. When I got there the group had finished reading the chapter and opened up for sharing. I scanned the last two pages that were read and planned my share around that. Then a person shared who was at their first meeting ever. I ended up sharing about what it was like for me in my introduction to twelve step recovery. After the meeting I had a little re-think about how I should share in a book study like that or when a newcomer is present.

Another observation I made was that a good friend of mine said that we don't talk too much about God. I think he might have meant we don't talk too much about religion. I also remembered how I felt about the term newcomer. I had a very cultish connotation to me.

I wrote some thoughts about my early sobriety.

I was almost there...

I identified with some people who spoke about things that only someone like me has experienced.
I was inspired by some people who spoke of good things in their lives.
I didn't identify with a few people who were worse than me or did different things than me.

I got a new conception of what it meant to be alcoholic.
I found a smidgeon of open mindness to go to meetings, get a sponsor, and to work the steps.

But I couldn't put first things first.
I couldn't let go of managing my life.
I couldn't let go of my self-reliance.
I couldn't grasp enough humility to stay open-minded.
In my pride I looked at the 3 people that I didn't identify with and I blotted out the 17 others that I did identify with.
I didn't stick around long to find willingness.

Later when I spent some time in recovery I realized that I was a lot closer than I thought. I realized that people don't have to hit as low a bottom as others. Some people find the needed humility at the same point where I was at. I had the opportunity to exert my will toward humility at that point. I distinctly remember thinking this but not being willing to let go out of pride and arrogance.

Later when I did find willingness I realized that I could have gone to a worse bottom.

Tonight I got to practice baseball and go on a bike ride with my son.

Today was our 8th wedding anniversary.

Today I got a voicemail from a person who showed up at a meeting that changed locations.

This evening I spoke for a long time to a person who was trying to get her husband into recovery. My wife spoke to her also.

I talked to my sponsor tonight. He re-discovered fishing and wants to go sometime soon.

This morning I thought about an idea I forgot that I should orient the dialog in my mind to an accompaniment with God.

Thanks God for a great day.