This morning I had a really hard time waking up and I had to skip breakfast. I remember having some kind of crazy dreams last night.

At noon I went to a meeting. It is a book study and I sat in the place to be the first to read. I got up and moved so I wouldn't be first but the chair started backwards so I was anyway. The story was good on page 345 or so but i was just brain dead and didn't have anythinbg to share on it. I felt bad about this.

The day was not bad at work.

My wife had a really hard day with the kids so I stayed home with the kids tonight. Late tonight a shelf full of heavy books almost fell on the baby. I got angry and want to blame my wife and tell her to stop doing her projects and focus on this house. I remember how angry I got this weekend and wanted to smash all her ebay stuff.

Tonight an episode of Intervention was on and a mother said she felt like they were on the tracks headed for a train wreck. She slumped to the ground and exclaimed that she didn't didn't have any answers for their problems. The Dad was the addict and they had three kids. The son tearfully said that when dad make promises that things would get better that e just had to tune it out.

I think back to the reading today and how the story teller talked about how she and her loved ones didn't have any answers either. She spoke of learning about the disease in treatment and about how the clinical descriptions of the disease ddin't give her an answer to the riddle of alcoholism either. I thought back to the times when I was baffled and defeated and the first glimmer of hope was when I heard the practical cconcept of the disease that solved the riddle and laid out a solution for me.

Today I just have to have the willingness to turn over my will so I may stay sane.