I am grateful to have a good job and that I got to get out of work early today.

I had a busy morning at work and felt like it was an exceptionally productive day.

I got to play some great games of table tennis. Thi might not seem like an important thing to journal but in doing so I get to appreciate the recreational time that God blesses me with and I bring this to account when I whine about nit getting to do anything fun.

I found and got started on a budget form today. I shared this with my wife and she reacted resentfully. I must watch my expectations of her. I had to resist being judgemental toward her.

This afternoon I had to spend $300 on tires that we didn't expect to have to spend. Later we found out that we had to pay $300 or my surgery on Monday. This meant that my wife would not be able to fund her resale plans for the post Thanksgiving Day sales. I felt guilty at first about the timing of the tire purchase but my tires were dangerously bald and I figured God must have meant it to happen that way. She was dissapointed and had to try to find acceptance.

Later in the afternoon I remembered that we had a gun to sell. I suggested it to her and she thought it was a great idea but didn't expect to get anything for it. She took it to the gun shop and Mr. Mcbride gave her $300 for it.

Not a coincidence.

Tonight at our Big Book study we read the second half of page 53 to the end of the chapter. 2 - 3 paragraphs were devoted to the idea that we relied to heavily on reason. One of the things that really appeals to me is the idea presented elsewhere in the chapter that faith stands the test of reason. So in thinking about this I had to wonder if it meant that reason was a bad thing.

I realized that the reading is pointing us to the fundemental idea of God within us which is not based on reason but rather is a psychological or spiritual archetype. Also, what it is talking about is TOO MUCH reliance on reason not reason per se. In fact we are encouraged to use our reasoning powers toward finding faith.

At some point I found myself getting slightly resentful at persons repeatedly sharing that their God was Jesus Christ. I thought to myself, why am I resentful about that when I am a believer? I thought that what I heard sounded very vain somehow but I couldn't quite place how.

First of all I need to take my own inventory. I have to make sure that I ask God to remove whatever resentment I have and to practice love and tolerance. I have to see that my basic instinct to fear how the meeting is perceived by the newcomer or how I think it should go is what leads me to be resentful. So in looking at this I must not try to correct anyone or think I am going to shape how anyone but me shares.

Now that that's out of the way I can look at the concept objectively for my own formation.

I believe that for me to call God Jesus if I am not going to talk about the Gospel is taking the Lord's name in vain. I might just be trying to impress the other Christians rather than trying to do His will. If it were His will that we make sure to proselytize in meetings then perhaps step 2 would have said came to believe in Jesus.

That doesn't mean that I don't think Jesus is God. But if I call Him Jesus then I should be speaking of His condescencion, His parabels, His sacrifice on the cross, or His resurrection. In other words I must be speaking of his nature, not just the idea of "a" God.

I think the reasons are three fold. One because I am speaking to persons early in spiritual formation who have poor ideas of God. If I can't explain the nature of Jesus then they are defining Jesus as the god that they conceive based on their own ideas.

Two, It's also like I am choosing to call Him by a name rather than accepting when He chooses to go by a name. When Moses asked God his name he simply said "I Am" not my name is Jesus. God chose to be called Jesus when he came down as The Man.

Three, If I say "Jesus" vainly and repeatedly then I may simply deter the person who is still under the influence of their prejudice and obstinacy. I could be doing more harm than good. Experience shows this to be true most of the time and it certainly was for me.

I could be wrong about this but I respect the experience of the founders and I am confident in my own faith and my willingness to evangelize when Jesus Christ wills it.

Tomorrow is the day we give thanks.