Tonight our meeting topic was page 20 - 21. Before the meeting I was having thoughts that I should change my approach to recovery. That I shouldn't devote so much of my time and thought life to it. The reading tonight seemed synchronous with my mental state. I made some observations in my share and some more afterwards about what those pages tell me:

• The markers of the disease. The observations that one can make that apply to a pathological condition that explains why I behave the way I do. How I and society were oblivious to this understanding and thus were baffled by my actions.
  *I wish I would have recalled the similarity that this has to what I encountered with Ivan's autism and how I was oblivious to his disorder until the markers were pointed out to me.
• The Mr. Hyde factor. The realization that another entity took over my mind under the influence of the obsession. And that I was not in control of my actions no matter how bad it harmed me, the ones I love and the things I valued.
• The observations that give substance and weight to the grave nature of my condition.
• The model of progression of the symptoms and the points of no return; the deadly milestones.

I am grateful that I went tonight because the importance of my recovery activities was reinforced.

Today I had to pause a few times and wait before speaking angrily.
Today I switched to a non-narcotic painkiller.
I got some yardwork done that was really bothering me.
I worked on our home rules some.