Last night I didn't do an evening review. Last night I had a long dream that I was doing speed. I have vague impressions from the dream but I have the sense that these feelings were running for long periods of time. Just as long as they would be in real life. In the dream I went for at least 8 hours of using. I was repeatedly doing large amounts of crank. I was engaged in sexual acts that I don't rememer for the entire time. I got to the point where I was deeply intoxicated but it was all no longer working and had gotten very sloppy and terrifying.

I had another dream later that I had 2 beers. I found myself drinking the first beer accidentally but realized it and thought of stopping for my sobriety. As I pondered the thought of how I didn't really have to change my sobriety date because I could drink 2 beers before I actually got drunk, I found myself drinking the last sip of the second beer and I knew it was too late.

Once again I didn't do the evening review and the result was immediate. I would like to think that "every night" is to restrictive, or that writing is too dependent on works and not the power. But I am being convinced that this is not true. That the nature of my obsession is so severe that the works are absolutely essential to access that power and not doing so is fatal.

Today I went to the noon meeting. We started the story "Gutter Bravado" I noticed that in this meeting there was no childhood dysfunction. There was no childhood abuse or tragedy. There was no deprivation or poverty. The story teller had a spiritual upbringing. Yet he still becam an alcoholic.

I wrote the following thoughts on this:

No respector of background. Both the good and the bad get it. All that is necessary is the physical factor and human nature. In Gutter Bravado the story teller has a well formed upbringing. There is no abuse, no trauma, no poverty, no disease, no tragedy, nothing except a rebellious nature.

I found that I have to always put powerlessness first. I always have to see the lack of power, choice and control. It doesn't matter how I got that way or what started the ball rolling until I address powerlessness first.

```````````

I got a call from a friend in the program this afternoon. He doesn't call me often and is not my sponsee but he called me to work the program. He has more sobriety than me but just needed a sober brother to talk over a piece of inventory. I didn't have any special knowledge for him but it was just what we both needed to hear.

Tonight I got angry at my wife...
for holding me hostage in a discussion.
My ambitions were threatened.
I was inconsiderate to her for cutting her off...AGAIN.
I did not rely on God to handle the outcome.
I was not surrendered.
I forgot that I am powerless over anger and cannot manage my plans.
I need God's help.
I forgot that anger is 100% fatal to me and blocks me from power.

Last night and tonight I had a blast listening to cheesy old school rap and break dancing with the kids and my wife.

Today and yesterday t work I was full of ideas and inspration.

Tonight I am grateful to be sober and engaged with the spirit.