Today I got angry and said a terrible thing. I said thayt it was stupid that I had this many kids. In doing so I insulted my wife, my kids, and worst of all... God.

Right before I said it I heard a ringing in my ears. I thought for a moment that God was trying to help me not to say it. But I did anyway. For this I am truly sorry.

I have a really great life and I thank God for it. My kids are the greatest joy in my life and I truly love them with all my heart. As I was kissing the littlest one tonight, I thought that I don't deserve them. I thought that if I don't strive to resist my self-centeredness then I will lose them. If I lost them, I would wish to oblivion that I could have them back.

Some people don't get so lucky. How many of them would give anything to trade places with me?

God, I am tuly sorry please forgive me.

Later Note: Last night I woke up from a nightmare that something, a head that I couldn't see, was trying to bite me at my waist. I was desperately fighting it off and then I woke up in the dream. But I woke up in a different house. Then I desperately realized that I was still in teh dream. The head came back and this time instead of waking up, the entity grew and cover me and was trying to devour me. I shook writhed tryin gto wake up my wife and I finally yelled loud enough to get her attention and she woke me up.

In the morning my son woke me up as usual except that he was frightened. He said that he looked over the edge of the bed and there was a dark figure there. He said it was a black head.

It is Tuesday morning and I wanted to write this because I think it is related to the spriritual event that happened yesterday.

I also wanted to remember that my wife woke up last night in a nightmare screaming about what was on the ceiling. She said it was a figure doing jumping jacks.

This morning I realized that yesterday had something in common with the day I threw a toy through the window. I had a chance to pause when agitated and I didn't.