This morning at work I overheard the guys talking. The conversation started about the absurdity of people believing in creature myths like the Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot. The conversation progressed with people talking about lack of proof with technology, gullibility of weak minds and childish blind faith. The atheist of the group then said that they were right up there with Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and Jesus. I found myself offended and provoked to interject but it didn't feel right. Mostly because I wasn't part of the conversation and I was very busy at the time, bit was also an intuition. I questioned myself and wondered if I was just afraid. As the conversation ended a guy who doesn't normally claim atheism said yeah me too, meaning he didn't believe in God. I saw how atheism seduces others down the path to perdition. Later I prayed about it, I felt as if an inner voice was telling me "not now but the time will come".

Earlier I had been thinking about willingness to believe and atheism. I thought about how I once figured that even if I don't have 100% certain proof of a deity, I just have to "believe" it for it to work. It's the 100% belief that might be the power of the Spiritual Experience. At least that is a beginning while I seek a connection with that Power that will prove Itself.

Earlier I was also thinking about the process of self examination and moral inventory. I didn't like the idea of Moral Inventory because it sounded to much like judgement. That is it sounded like judgement against someone else's repressive ideals. Then I thought of it a different way. I thought about it as a "design" inventory. How well am I functioning to my design? Design doesn't have to imply a creator, just a pattern that replicates. The design code is the quality standard. Inventory is quality control. I am designed to operate within control limits, but I will drift out of control without daily maintenance.

I got to go to a meeting at lunch time. The reading was synchronous with the Daily Reflection about sobriety is not enough that we must address the unmanageability o our life. About how deluded we were in thinking our life was ok until we sobered up and looked around.

In the afternoon I found that the forum I manage had been spammed with porn. I opened a post and had to quickly turn away. I had to go back in and delete it and others. It was like being exposed to crack smoke, I ha to resist breathing it in. I managed not to stare at it or file anything away in the mental image gallery.

Tonight I called an accountability partner and shared it.

I am grateful for this day.