This morning we got off to a good start, I finally had a morning where I didn't feel like I was very behind on home maintenance. There wasn't a pile of dishes to greet me on Saturday morning.
I was able to get out and continue my mid-winter leaf raking project, at mid-morning I took a break and dozed off. It was just a short nap and at noon we did lunch and I had some additional chores. Then in the afternoon I took another nap.
This afternoon I got to talk on the phone to five friends in the fellowship. At times it was hard because I was taking care of the baby and she was crying. But I was able to tune it out and mentally multitask better than before. We got to talk over step work, service, events, family, fishing, football, friendship and the spiritual life.
My wife and I troubleshooted our broken driver and between my mechanical experience and her electronic experience we saved a $200 service call and just need a $10 part.
It occurred to me that I've gained a good degree of acceptance of the amount of energy and time I have for home maintenance. I didn't feel depressed about sleeping too much and each nap was very short and re-freshing. After the second nap I got very busy and got a lot done. It's just the way things are now, I have 3 kids in diapers and Saturday I have to rest from the long week.
Tonight I got to go to a meeting. The topic was "we are not glum lot". Several people shared about having fun in sobriety, or life is good, or I'm still crazy but not as crazy as they used to be.
Two women shared that life is sucking right now and their not feeling it. Both women are just coming back from using. Both have their kids, and still have their livelihood, but both have problems like we all do.
I thought it was all very synchronous again with the meeting last night and the meeting tonight and especially with the Daily Reflection. Today's reflection was about Daily Acceptance. I thought about how I had to "practice" acceptance alot in the beginning. But later acceptance began to come to me in a way I had never experienced before, and it just grew from there. Today I don't have to practice it so much as it just comes, like this morning when I didn't find myself discontent about what I can't get done.
I shared some of this and about how this life now is like my life was back when it worked and a funny story from my using, but I wish I would have said something more.
My acceptance can go away the minute that I quit doing the work. That when things get good and I begin to let life maintenance edge out my spiritual work that I became discontent again. This is what happened when I was relapsing. I HAVE to put First Things First! Acceptance comes from God, I have to "practice" being connected to God and I get spiritual grace.
My sponsor said that an old timer once told him that he felt just like he should feel coming off a relapse, and with that he found acceptance and freedom even though he still felt terrible.
Tonight I feel just like I should feel at 4 years sober with a spiritual life...
Life is good!
No comments:
Post a Comment