Last night I didn't write my review for some reason that I don't recall. In going back through my day yesterday I remember that I got to see the readings of the mass and sermon before going to mass for which I was grateful because I often am too distracted with the kids or can't hear over a crying baby during the readings of the actual mass.

After Church I was able to function somewaht but had another physically depressed day. It was a day where I just felt like I needed to sleep all day. I felt like I have to attend to children so much that I feel drained of any inner motivation.

I had to get myself up and get going and not let it get me down. I got some things donw although I don't reall what and late in the afternoon my son and I practiced baseball. He hit the ball very well today and followed directions better than usual.
I ended the day on a high note.

There was more to that day, especially in my thought life. I wish I could remeber it.

Today I had a moment again where I felt revulsion well up as someone nearby spoke disparagingly about televangelists. I had to catch myself and I wondered why I felt so defensive. Somehow I am too invested in what other people think or say about anything even remotely spiritual or religious. I need to develop a better sense of detachment from the opinions of others on these matters. In thinking about what was said I realized that I can relate to where this persons feelings come from. I don't like people who preach the prosperity gospel either. I must be able to engage this type of hostility with understanding first and then be able to communicate on these matters in an informed way that isn't obscured by emotionalism.

I wasn't part of the conversation so it doesn't matter. But I will be in the future so I need to think about what I should say. I don't like hypocritical televangelists either. But not all of them are dishonest or heretical. Take Billy Graham for instance. And saying that every religious person on TV or not wants to take your money is like saying every politician wants to take your money. I still believe there are or have been some good political leaders and I still believe government is a useful and necessary thing.

I also reembered that I have some of the same feelings around religious people. Sometimes they say things in their religious language that comes from a dogma that I don't necessary agree with or feel is helpful. I am speaking here of Born Again Evangelical Protestant language that in ways refers to sola fide, sola scriptura, etc... I feel sometimes that I go along with things for the sake of approval because I can't handle not being in agreement without emotional reaction.

I got to go to the noon meeting. It was a good meeting and afterward a guy stopped me and wanted to talk. He seemed to want to talk about his dilemmas. He also mentioned that he felt that I was doing well. In talking to him I beleive I tried to give him advice to work the program. I'm not sure if I should have done that. Maybe I should have just given him encouragement.

I ran into an older lady from the meeting who was walking slower down the sidewalk than me. I said hi and she started talking and walked with me. I felt like I got to know her as a person, we made a connection. As we were walking we saw a guy named Chrlie who sometimes goes to the meeting outside of his job and he offered a handshake as we passed by. It was a moment of connection also even though he wasn't in the meeting today and we couldn't stop and talk. As we approached my building we saw another guy from the meeting and we exchanged an anonymous glance, it was another connection. The walk back seemed in dream slow motion echo mode. The lady gave me an AA hug in front of my building and thanked me for talking and wished me a good day.

It was a good day.

Tonight I laid in bed with my sick daughter and gave her comfort. I got afraid of losing sleep and I got angry with my wife later when the littlest baby started crying and she didn't come get her. I had to make amends to her for getting angry. I am thankful for my program which keeps me from messing up a good day.