Saturday, October 27, 2007

Last night I didn't write inventory because I kept trying to do it and getting interrupted and I finally just got so resentful and was exhausted and I couldn't do it.

Last night I didn't go to the meeting because I chose to keep the baby for Christie while she took the older kids to a Halloween festival at the park. I was kinda resentful about that.

I don't remember much about work yesterday except the growing fear over what's going to happen when the big group of customers get turned over to me next week. I keep seeing my trainer taking a lot of calls and I fear that I can't handle that many and especially the complexity of their issues. I fear that my coworkers are supportive in principle but aren't patient when it comes to the practice of helping me through issues. I also fear that they are not trained as trainers and don't do well explaining things to an ignorant person (myself).

Yesterday I got some great joy out of cleaning up and sanding a swing horse that came with the playscape. I set it up for the kids and they really like it.

This morning I got resentful at Christie and griped at her in a moment when she was trying to get off on their trip to a pumpkin patch and they were late and the kids were not cooperating. I told her she is overextending herself and it affects us all. Maybe I need to tel her this in an objective way. But I was angry and self-righteous, so I was excessively fault-finding.

While they were gone I spent most of the morning doing basic indoor chores. I was grateful to get the solice and to be able to get them done. I did well not to get resentful that I don't get to do outdoor chores that need to be done, though I am getting resentful thinking about it now.

But I guess it was worth it when my kids came home and told me about what a great tie they had painting pumpkins, exploring the patch, riding rides, eating foods and spending time with their friends. Another great thing was that I got to spend time listening to great teaching and doing some reflecting about the scriptures and the spiritual life.

Tonight I got to go to Stepping Stones. The topic was a reading from the 12 x 12 on practicing these principles in all our affairs. This brought to mind some simple practices that help me out a lot in all my affairs:
  • Fault-Finding is to be avoided like the plague
  • Blame should be eliminated from my vocabulary
  • I must be Long Tempered since I have a short fuse
Practicing the principles means that I should do whatever I can to avoid having to make amends. I should not see the principles as a license to go about fighting with people and then doing inventory and amends. I should practice the principals of a spiritually awakened person and take inventory to avoid harming others.

Corrective Measures
----------------------------------------------------
I ask God to remove my fear of the new job responsibilities I am about to enter into
I should be more cognizant of practicing the principles in all my affairs

No comments: